“So tell us how you both met!”

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So, let me tell you the story of how I got married. I was 26 and had just completed my Informatics degree. I started working in an IT firm and at an employee group dinner, I met this handsome Indian men, Rohit. We struck up a great rapport and started hanging out with each other quite a bit. A month later, He asked me out. I said yes. We started dating. We introduced each other to our parents. His parents adored me. And my parents liked him. After 2 years of dating, He proposed me. I said yes. We got married.

How cute was that story?! Like a fairy-tale romance right?

But, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you weren’t at all entertained by the story of my marriage. Was it too bland? Were there not enough hurdles that my husband and I had to go through? Maybe, it was boring because there wasn’t a third person! MAYBE, it was too normal.

I grew up with my Bollywood movies and Shahrukh Khan and was taught from a very early age that the sky would rain rose petals and random people around me would start dancing when I met my beloved. Then, Hollywood introduced me to the concept of a “soul-mate”. And it forbade me from accepting any less than a man who shared the same quirks and favorite TV-shows and jokes and hobbies. Moreover, it insisted that such a men actually existed.

So by age 17 I was expecting a spectacle to take place when I met the men of my dreams.

Here’s the thing. Normal is no longer good enough. It’s no longer good enough to just meet a person and fall in love with them. No. It has to be more elaborate. It has to be more exciting. It has to be nearly as good as the best romantic comedy you’ve ever watched. It has to be good enough to be made into a TV show. When you recite the story of how you met “the one” to friends and relatives, they must be taken aback. At least one of them needs to let out an obligatory “Aww”. At least two drops of tears must be shed. At least someone must say, “Ishu, that was perfect. I wish my love story was like this!”.

It’s why people will falsify and add non-existent details to their love stories. It’s why not liking the same band becomes an instant deal-breaker.
It’s why people didn’t mind waiting 9 years for Ted Mosby to meet his wife.
It’s why his kids didn’t scratch his eyeballs out for telling them not just the story of how he met their mother but also how he met the mothers of all the kids in New York City.

It’s why I thought that me walking past the same men at the same time every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, actually signified something. And it’s why I actually hear college kids around me being under pressure to have this fascinating romantic tale which involves some miracle or some strife or some magical almost impossible meeting between them.

Sure, I wouldn’t mind meeting a man on the subway by accident and having a whirlwind romance which involves disapproving parents, a couple of exes, a dash to the airport to stop his flight from taking off, and an unrealistically beautiful wedding on the banks of a river with impossibly blue water.

But chances are, that won’t happen.
And I should be fine with that. And you should be fine with that too.

Who knows, maybe you won’t even find someone to be with. Like ever.
So learn how to bake. I’ve heard cupcakes help.


P.S. I’m not really married. And I’m 22. Sooooo…?

 Mum:Simr, we’re going to have to start looking for a guy for you by 22

Me:WHAT?! that's too early mum! Why?!?
Mum:fine, not married, but at least engaged?
Me:uuuuhhhh.....

A lot of people say that your 20’s are the best years of your life: you graduate college, go to grad school, get a job, and finally be independent. For Indian parents it’s time to GET MARRIED.

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My parents are super orthodox. For those of you who have Indian parents like mine: we can get married to whomever we want, but we can’t have a boyfriend. So it’s like: get married ASAP, but pick a guy the day before your wedding so no one will have to know you had a boyfriend.

They want a South Indian, who is preferably a Doctor, Computer Scientist, or Engineer. I just want a guy with a great personality and has a stable career doing what he loves.

And I think these two different philosophies really hurt young adults who are born in America (or someplace outside their native country) and their parents who still hold certain values and traditions. I mean, do we have to change how we feel about someone just because they don’t look like us, or come from a different background? Should I shun every non-Indian guy who comes up to me because he won’t “understand” my background?

At first I didn’t understand the concept of being an ABCD, but I do now. The fact that we’re tied to two very different backgrounds is really hard when we’re forced to make life-changing decisions. And this doesn’t just apply to falling in love but doing anything that you love that doesn’t fall into the spectrum of “what Indians normally do.”

I am sick of marriage talk

Any-who, New Year should equal a fresh start no? Nope. Before the clock was 10 minutes from striking 12 I overheard my mother telling my father “Just watch. She is going to either run away or marry out of our culture and disgrace the family. I will have it written in contract” Gee thanks mother, I appreciate your faith in me..

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And on Sunday my mother found at I slept until 1 p.m (big whoop, it is the holidays, during work I get up at 6:00 a.m so I think deserve a break and my father was fine with it) but she started going on about how these “habits cannot carry to the other house” and I just… WHAT OTHER HOUSE? article-2015821815353356133000

I ignore it and I do most of the time but sometimes it seriously pisses me off.

Ever since I was born, my parents constantly reminded me of how important it is to be a good Indian daughter-in-law. No talking back, keeping the house clean, cooking amazing food, and always being the underdog because I’m just a girl and I’m only living in their home until I’m married off to a boy of their dreams.

 

I remember at the age of 5 my grandma would say “you need to control your temper, your mother-in-law will not tolerate that”. At the age of 7 she would say “keep exfoliating so you can make your skin lighter and get a good husband”. At the age of 9? “You need to learn all kinds of food, what are you going to feed your husband?”

As soon as you hit puberty and get prettier, other Indian parents are always keeping an eye on you to see if you are suitable for their family and try to see if they can spot you flirting with any guys. When my parents take me to an Indian wedding, parents are always asking I’m looking to getting married. Indian weddings are like breeding ground for matchmakers.

I wish Indian parents would just leave it to their kids to decide what they want to do with their lives when it comes to marriage. If they have raised their kids well then they shouldn’t worry about who they will bring home but Indian parents picking up matchmaking as their side job only brings more stress and awkwardness. Parents should not consider matchmaking without one’s permission, agreed?

 

I am 22 years old and the fact that I get told that I only have 2 more years until I have to get married? F**. No. This always comes up with parents, I mean hello, Indian, but I can tell this time from their faces that they are serious and none of my arguments worked and I am so scared at the thought that it made me break down. Marriage. With who? A stranger who I don’t know but will “come to love” No. I don’t care if my cousins were my age when they got married. No, I really don’t. — “If you have a boyfriend tell us” — Ahaha really, really? I wonder how much trouble I’d get in especially because my types of guys aren’t in their check list.

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23 thoughts on ““So tell us how you both met!”

  1. Indian parents, r they dramatic or what??
    ..in addition to what u said about the 20’s being d BEST years..I heard the 30’s are the BEST..well guess u will get to know only when u reach there. I’m in my 30’s and its a terrible place to be in…or I guess it’s applicable for those married 😊
    Nice post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for taking your time to read my post. I appreciate it.
      Well, most of the South Indian parents are dramatic. In a country like ours, if a girl is young, unmarried and beautiful, chances are high that she’s being pursued by a handful of hopefuls, or maybe she’s having a boyfriend. I’m not saying that’s always the case. But it’s likely. This, is a worrying thing for them. It may lead to rumors in the society which can deter future suitors. There’s an age limit for girls getting married. If a girl is 30, most Indian men will be wary of marrying her. In fact, his parents will most likely oppose it. The supposed reason can be that the biological clock dictates that a woman is most fit for delivering children in her twenties. Societal pressures. When they see other people marrying off their daughters early on, it can be a pressuring thing and they feel the need to find a suitor for their daughter too. Relatives don’t hesitate in adding oil to the fire and suggest matches left, right and center. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for taking your time to read my post. I appreciate it.
    Well, most of the South Indian parents are dramatic. In a country like ours, if a girl is young, unmarried and beautiful, chances are high that she’s being pursued by a handful of hopefuls, or maybe she’s having a boyfriend. I’m not saying that’s always the case. But it’s likely. This, is a worrying thing for them. It may lead to rumors in the society which can deter future suitors. There’s an age limit for girls getting married. If a girl is 30, most Indian men will be wary of marrying her. In fact, his parents will most likely oppose it. The supposed reason can be that the biological clock dictates that a woman is most fit for delivering children in her twenties. Societal pressures. When they see other people marrying off their daughters early on, it can be a pressuring thing and they feel the need to find a suitor for their daughter too. Relatives don’t hesitate in adding oil to the fire and suggest matches left, right and center. 😀

    Like

  3. Marriage! I mean the most valuable and spicy topic to discuss in our country! Though, I am still a teenager, but can totally relate to what you’ve written. I was so enjoying to read the things you have drawn in your writings here. 😀 I feel marriage shouldn’t be considered in age or looks, I believe that more attention and importance should be given to how kind, respectful and successful they are in their life! I also believe that you should get yourselves settled in your life, make some your own name, and then get married, especially women.
    I agree with you that relatives are the ones sometimes adding fuel to the fire.In Hindi, “Jitna hum apne marriage k liye excited nahi hote, utna toh woh log hote hai, it feels like hamari nahi unki shaadi horahi hai!” :p
    You should indeed visit here, http://www.scoopwhoop.com/entertainment/indian-weddings/
    I am sure you will enjoy reading it!
    Great Post!! Awesome one!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much 🙂
      “I also believe that you should get yourselves settled in your life, make some your own name, and then get married, especially women” – Yeah! I am almost done with all you mentioned.
      Which means I’ve very less time! 😀

      Thanks for the link 😉 It made me laugh. Clear representation of what happens in almost all Indian weddings 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha, this was hilarious!
    I loved how you tried to get to the roots from where your ideology comes from, and explaining why it’s different (loved the Ted meeting the mother of every kid in New York City).
    Whether hollywood or bollywood, whirlwind romances do have a certain charm attached to them, despite them happening very rarely.
    I think parents can play a hand in the decision, but the child should have the first and the last say- whether to get married and to whom. But the reality is that neither exists for him/her, a

    Parents can be pretty wrong- I have seen many unhappy marriages-so I don’t see how ‘experience’ counts for them in the decision making process.
    Of course, it’ll be much better if we remove the stigma of dating, atleast you’ll know the person you are marrying instead of their name, face, caste, bank account balance, and the thirty five thousand odd aunties and uncles whom you have to meet.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Aishwarya,
    interesting and funny article. I enjoyed reading it. FYi, i am 33 , and still single.. 😉 Imagine my plight! 😀
    Thanks for the follow!

    Like

  6. This was fun! I have forgotten what it was like when I was single 😀
    Thankfully, when my parents bullied me – I could bully them right back. And it all worked out fine. South Indian married to a Catholic! Hell did not break loose. So just keep pushing, parents are actually softies. They finally want your happiness. Keep that faith.
    Great post!!

    Liked by 1 person

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