So, let me tell you the story of how I got married. I was 26 and had just completed my Informatics degree. I started working in an IT firm and at an employee group dinner, I met this handsome Indian men, Rohit. We struck up a great rapport and started hanging out with each other quite a bit. A month later, He asked me out. I said yes. We started dating. We introduced each other to our parents. His parents adored me. And my parents liked him. After 2 years of dating, He proposed me. I said yes. We got married.
How cute was that story?! Like a fairy-tale romance right?
But, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you weren’t at all entertained by the story of my marriage. Was it too bland? Were there not enough hurdles that my husband and I had to go through? Maybe, it was boring because there wasn’t a third person! MAYBE, it was too normal.
I grew up with my Bollywood movies and Shahrukh Khan and was taught from a very early age that the sky would rain rose petals and random people around me would start dancing when I met my beloved. Then, Hollywood introduced me to the concept of a “soul-mate”. And it forbade me from accepting any less than a man who shared the same quirks and favorite TV-shows and jokes and hobbies. Moreover, it insisted that such a men actually existed.
So by age 17 I was expecting a spectacle to take place when I met the men of my dreams.
Here’s the thing. Normal is no longer good enough. It’s no longer good enough to just meet a person and fall in love with them. No. It has to be more elaborate. It has to be more exciting. It has to be nearly as good as the best romantic comedy you’ve ever watched. It has to be good enough to be made into a TV show. When you recite the story of how you met “the one” to friends and relatives, they must be taken aback. At least one of them needs to let out an obligatory “Aww”. At least two drops of tears must be shed. At least someone must say, “Ishu, that was perfect. I wish my love story was like this!”.
It’s why people will falsify and add non-existent details to their love stories. It’s why not liking the same band becomes an instant deal-breaker.
It’s why people didn’t mind waiting 9 years for Ted Mosby to meet his wife.
It’s why his kids didn’t scratch his eyeballs out for telling them not just the story of how he met their mother but also how he met the mothers of all the kids in New York City.
It’s why I thought that me walking past the same men at the same time every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, actually signified something. And it’s why I actually hear college kids around me being under pressure to have this fascinating romantic tale which involves some miracle or some strife or some magical almost impossible meeting between them.
Sure, I wouldn’t mind meeting a man on the subway by accident and having a whirlwind romance which involves disapproving parents, a couple of exes, a dash to the airport to stop his flight from taking off, and an unrealistically beautiful wedding on the banks of a river with impossibly blue water.
But chances are, that won’t happen.
And I should be fine with that. And you should be fine with that too.
Who knows, maybe you won’t even find someone to be with. Like ever.
So learn how to bake. I’ve heard cupcakes help.
P.S. I’m not really married. And I’m 22. Sooooo…?
Mum:Simr, we’re going to have to start looking for a guy for you by 22Me:WHAT?! that's too early mum! Why?!?Mum:fine, not married, but at least engaged?Me:uuuuhhhh.....
A lot of people say that your 20’s are the best years of your life: you graduate college, go to grad school, get a job, and finally be independent. For Indian parents it’s time to GET MARRIED.
My parents are super orthodox. For those of you who have Indian parents like mine: we can get married to whomever we want, but we can’t have a boyfriend. So it’s like: get married ASAP, but pick a guy the day before your wedding so no one will have to know you had a boyfriend.
They want a South Indian, who is preferably a Doctor, Computer Scientist, or Engineer. I just want a guy with a great personality and has a stable career doing what he loves.
And I think these two different philosophies really hurt young adults who are born in America (or someplace outside their native country) and their parents who still hold certain values and traditions. I mean, do we have to change how we feel about someone just because they don’t look like us, or come from a different background? Should I shun every non-Indian guy who comes up to me because he won’t “understand” my background?
At first I didn’t understand the concept of being an ABCD, but I do now. The fact that we’re tied to two very different backgrounds is really hard when we’re forced to make life-changing decisions. And this doesn’t just apply to falling in love but doing anything that you love that doesn’t fall into the spectrum of “what Indians normally do.”
Any-who, New Year should equal a fresh start no? Nope. Before the clock was 10 minutes from striking 12 I overheard my mother telling my father “Just watch. She is going to either run away or marry out of our culture and disgrace the family. I will have it written in contract” Gee thanks mother, I appreciate your faith in me..
And on Sunday my mother found at I slept until 1 p.m (big whoop, it is the holidays, during work I get up at 6:00 a.m so I think deserve a break and my father was fine with it) but she started going on about how these “habits cannot carry to the other house” and I just… WHAT OTHER HOUSE?
I ignore it and I do most of the time but sometimes it seriously pisses me off.
Ever since I was born, my parents constantly reminded me of how important it is to be a good Indian daughter-in-law. No talking back, keeping the house clean, cooking amazing food, and always being the underdog because I’m just a girl and I’m only living in their home until I’m married off to a boy of their dreams.
I remember at the age of 5 my grandma would say “you need to control your temper, your mother-in-law will not tolerate that”. At the age of 7 she would say “keep exfoliating so you can make your skin lighter and get a good husband”. At the age of 9? “You need to learn all kinds of food, what are you going to feed your husband?”
As soon as you hit puberty and get prettier, other Indian parents are always keeping an eye on you to see if you are suitable for their family and try to see if they can spot you flirting with any guys. When my parents take me to an Indian wedding, parents are always asking I’m looking to getting married. Indian weddings are like breeding ground for matchmakers.
I wish Indian parents would just leave it to their kids to decide what they want to do with their lives when it comes to marriage. If they have raised their kids well then they shouldn’t worry about who they will bring home but Indian parents picking up matchmaking as their side job only brings more stress and awkwardness. Parents should not consider matchmaking without one’s permission, agreed?
I am 22 years old and the fact that I get told that I only have 2 more years until I have to get married? F**. No. This always comes up with parents, I mean hello, Indian, but I can tell this time from their faces that they are serious and none of my arguments worked and I am so scared at the thought that it made me break down. Marriage. With who? A stranger who I don’t know but will “come to love” No. I don’t care if my cousins were my age when they got married. No, I really don’t. — “If you have a boyfriend tell us” — Ahaha really, really? I wonder how much trouble I’d get in especially because my types of guys aren’t in their check list.