Now marriage is a controversial topic not just in a new age community but in the world at large. Some people see it as a beautiful expression of love and some see it as an archaic restriction. So who’s right?
The drive to pair up with someone is embedded in our DNA. It ensures the survival of our species on both a mere procreational level and on a physical survival level. Couplehood is the primary social structure of our species. Therefore, it is necessary to strengthen and transform couplehood to its highest aspect rather than dissolving it. This will actually transform today’s society for the better.
About 11,000 years ago, humans turned from a hunter-gatherer species into a farming species. Meaning – we no longer had to be mobile nomads because we learned how to corral animals and how to grow food. This is the point at which “property” became a concept in the human society. And property had to be protected no less. Property ownership was what gave rise to economics and the idea of wealth vs. poverty. It was then that couplehood became less about attraction and more about economics. Women and children, who also needed protection were seen an extension of property ownership and wealth.
This led to the concept of arranged marriage which was the first real form of socially recognised marriage to take place. Arranged marriage was designed to ensure the economic and social status of the family. This design actually lasted all the way until the eighteenth century; when people began to see arranged marriage as a loss of the personal freedom of love. At this point, marriage became more of a contract designed to fulfil psychological needs, personal happiness and stability than a contract to ensure social standing.
As of today, marriage is basically making one’s relationship known, recognised and official to the public and it is done with an intention that the relationship be permanent throughout the duration of the couple’s life. This act is even a legal action in our current society. On a surface level a couple may marry for a number of reasons such as legal, social, financial, religious, spiritual, emotional or even libidinal. And once the union is recognised, it is considered a contract. It is important to note that the terms of marriage are not set, they are decided by the couple that is participating in the marriage. The terms of marriage that are made up of rights and restrictions are heavily influenced by the culture and the society.
For instance, the right to have someone’s property or the restriction of being unable to express your sexuality towards anyone other than the partner when you enter into the marriage.
This is where things get complicated. On an emotional level it can be a beautiful intention to gift one’s sexuality only to one person. You can do that without restricting your love. On a social level, however this decision might merely be a socially conditioned expectation that is a holdover from a time where illegitimate children were a threat to property and ownership rights. If this is the case, it comes from a place of restriction.
If you’re considering getting married or even if you’re married, it’s important to look over the terms of marriage with a fine-tooth comb so both of you know each other’s expectations and so each term of your marriage will be questioned by both the partners fully. You do not want any surprises down the road and it’s important to be clear about your reasons for those terms instead of simply blindly accepting them. Because they were someone else’s before you adopted them!
From the highest perspective, the universal source perspective, everything is you. This means, every person in existence is also you. So choosing or prioritising one person over another makes no sense from the universal perspective. As a species when we evolve to a higher vibratory rate, the perception of separation will dissolve. We will not even have the desire to pair bond, it won’t occur within us. So marriage will cease to be a function of our society.
So why you might ask is marriage in alignment? Why from source perspective might it be beneficial to engage in a marriage if the highest of perceptive is that we are all one.
- The answer is, our expansion as a species is being served first and foremost by relationships. The primary relationship is the biggest mirror as well as a tool for your self-awareness and growth. Committing to your partner is the same thing as committing to self-awareness. The perspective that comes along with being pair bonded in a unified couple is also an immense vibrational improvement upon the perspective of independent individuality. This is because the perspective of independent individuality is the perspective of the ego which sits squarely illusion.
You MUST evolve in order to stay happy in a long term relationship. Why?
- Personalities change, desires change, bodies age, romantic love waxes and wanes, life still provides you contrast and no relationship on earth is free of conflict. The only way to remain happily and to remain together is to develop flexibility, to develop openness and to become your highest self. Those are all highly spiritual states to be in. Marriage in and of itself is a spiritual practice. It’s the one some of us choose in and some of us don’t.
- The highest spiritual practice involved with marriage is mirroring. This person is going to mirror you and your vibrations exactly.
- Now if we were to not commit to marriage or a long-term relationship we would likely to run person to person when the going got tough, that means when our shadows were reflected to us through our partner and we will move on to next partner and enjoy one or two month hiatus where that was an experience of joy based on our sexual, biochemical reactions but after that our shadows will crop up through that person as well and we can keep bouncing from person to person to person trying to escape our shadows instead of turning around to face and transform them.
- This which is an opportunity that marriage offers – By committing to someone else in marriage we are ultimately committing to ourselves.
- Marriage is an opportunity to harmonize to find unity with someone who currently perceive as other. This is why it often takes place between the polarity of a female and a male but it doesn’t not always have to be the case. As long as you are finding unity with someone who you perceive as other whether it be female or male, you are in the practice of oneness of unity.
- Whether or not a marriage takes place legally is a legal decision more so than it is a love decision or spiritual decision. If you want to legally marry somebody it should be because you want the legal, social recognition of the unity.
- The spiritual ceremony of marriage is much more important than the legal ceremony, if you are getting married for love or spiritual reasons. It is the opportunity to set forth a very powerful intention to remain unified and for that unity to be supported by others. This intention brings us back to the most ultimate truth of oneness, which is why weddings can be so beautiful. They remind us all of our true essence, which is love. It is crucial that we understand that you cannot ever know what you’re going to want tomorrow or in the future. You must stay in an alignment with your new desires in ach relationship that you get into will give raise to new desires within you. In order to stay happy in a relationship, your relationship have to line with the new desires otherwise both partners will go different ways.
- When a desire is born it cannot be denied. This causes a great suffering and an eventual death. For a couple to stay happily married, they cannot settle. They must continually evolve in tandem. If a couple wants drastically different things and wants them badly they must part ways and no kind of promise or contract should ever hold them together.
- It is no kind of enlightened state to thwart your own desire for the sake of a promise that you made. Universally this is not seen as an admirable quality it is seen as self-sacrifice.
Now before you panic and think, there’s no way that I’m ever going to meet a person whose desires are going to drag them in the opposite direction. I know how many times I change my mind on a daily basis. You’ve to realize that you can have a desire that isn’t meant to be yours. That means if it is a desire for you to stay in a lifelong relationship then it is possible for the Universe, not only possible for the Universe will bring you a relationship with somebody who is capable of staying in tandem with you for the totality of their life even though all of their changes even when you are both aligning with each of your desires.
It’s really very interesting that the marriage has become so much about love that has become its own religion. Many people believe that it is wrong to get married for another reason than love. But it’s no more wrong than it was back when, when the only reason we got married was social standing. Marriage doesn’t necessarily have to be about love, it isn’t wrong if isn’t about love wither. It’s just as good if it is about love as it is if it is not about love because it is a lifestyle decision and that’s how the Universe sees it. Because no kind of contract means more than your personal intention and no desire is wrong.
This means if you want to get married for financial reasons that is fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
If you want to get married for a green card, that is fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
If you want to get married for social standings that is fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
If you want to get married for Love that is fine. There is nothing wrong with you.
What is important is that you are clear about your real reasons. If you are not clear about your reasons you’re being run by societal conditioning. You are out of alignment with your own personal truth.
The basic argument against marriage is that it is an archaic idea that restricts love because it forces you to express your love only to one person at the exclusion of everyone else. It’s an interesting perspective because it is true that the marriage will cease to be function of our society in the future. But what these people who are pushing against the marriage don’t understand that they are skipping a step and I have little secret – the majority of the people who push against the marriage who are anti- marriage are doing so from a place of resistance to marriage. So they are not purely in alignment. There in resistant to marriage they feel as if the marriage is a lack of freedom and they disbelieve that they can find one person who makes them happy throughout the totality of their life. That makes it easier to believe that the marriage is not good or is not meant to exist then it makes it easy to line up with marriage.
Many of us in the new age are major supporters of polyamory because we understand the polyamory is where the human race is going. But we are in resistance to marriage, so what we need to when we’re in resistance to something is to release that resistance to try to find a way to see marriage as freedom and marriage as potentially good for us. This is only way we’re going to truly align with polyamory.
How do you know that you are in resistance to monogamy instead of truly aligned with polyamorous relationships?
People you attract on a romantic level resist your polyamory you will continually find people who want to have only an exclusive relationship with you and they will be resistant with your choice in your life. You will perceive yourself as hurting a great many people by trying to stay true to your polyamorous nature. That means you are out of alignment. If you were truly in alignment with polyamory you could only experience other people who are also in alignment with polyamory. Not monogamous people who are in relationships with you, making you feel as if you’re more restricted.
Most of us have not figured out how to have harmonious, monogamous relationships in the first place.
As I mentioned before most people in today’s society are not capable of polyamory even the people who enjoy their polyamorous lifestyle tend to leave a trials in their wake. Why is this? Because we all base our self-esteem off our primary relationships especially our romantic relationships. And this is due to how we are parented as children this current society. Until the way we parent children changes, most of the people in the society will be dependent on others for their self-concept.
I see a great many new people in New Age community trying to become okay with the open relationship based on the idea that the state of non-restriction of Love’s various expressions is a more spiritual state to aspire to be in. Meanwhile they feel terrible hey feel terrible about feeling terrible about it. But the reality is, none of us love ourselves fully. And so, we’re yet again skipping a step. Most of us don’t love ourselves. You cannot move into polyamorous relationship if you do not love yourself. For those of us who don’t love ourselves completely, the next step is to take of valuing ourselves enough, that we value ourselves to experience a relationship where someone chooses us and only us as their partner and inmate in life.
If you would like to experience a monogamous relationship with someone who thinks that the sun raises and sets with you, it is a desire which is meant to be yours! Maybe you’ll get into this relationship which is fabulously and after years of experiencing that you both will be ready to change and then you’ll evolve into the next phase which is polyamorous relationship or maybe you’ll spend those years together and you’ll decide that it’s wonderful and you’ll stay together in a state of monogamy for the rest of your life.
I am not gonna lie to you, marriage can destroy people’s lives but marriage can also provide an opportunity for healing on many levels this is why the vows should read, “Till expansion do us part and intending that it never will”. Rather than “till death do us part”. Marriage is very unique in that we are exercising our personal choice to include someone else’s happiness in our own happiness.
We do not have a responsibility to other people’s happiness but once we enter into a union into a monogamous relationship and especially into a marriage, we are in essence saying that, “Your happiness matters to my happiness and so by taking responsibility for my happiness, I am taking responsibility for your happiness and by taking responsibly for your happiness, I am taking responsibility for my happiness”
What a beautiful choice to make? The physical dimension we live in a binary universe, the duality is the source of contrast, the unification of this duality is bliss. Marriage provides us the opportunity to live out the physical expression of this unification of dual aspects.
It is my belief that the reasons behind getting married should be questioned fully before enter into any kind of matrimonial arrangement. But it’s important to understand that there is nothing wrong to be choosing to be married and there’s nothing wrong choosing to not be married. They are both thrones for the spiritual practice and it can be a beautiful commitment to engage in the practice of marriage.